My Soul's Song of Gratitude

As you already know, 2 days ago one of my friends delivered a BEAUTIFUL baby boy! Her birth was quick, efficient and very uneventful! She spent her whole pregnancy, even several months before she became pregnant, preparing her heart, mind, body and soul to prepare for the future birth to come! She was rigorous and extremely effective in carrying out her divinely gifted creative power. It was/is such a overwhelmingly LOVELY process to be a part of! I LOVE being a part of something that is so UNIQUE to each and every woman! I am just AMAZED and in AWE of each birth I attend. I feel so blessed to participate in watching the strength and courage of woman. I feel so blessed to see each of them put their faith and trust in themselves, their Heavenly Parents and their Savior. I feel so blessed to be given the gift from our Divine Mother to empower and inspire woman to believe and trust in themselves, their bodies and their babies.

I see within each woman that I work with a willingness to go beyond the mark and look deep into their own hearts at the fears, sadness, heartache, pain, anger, etc. that they each carry. I see within each woman the push for a progressive forward motion to move these emotions and give them to the Savior through repentance and forgiveness. I see within each woman the peace, joy, love, understanding, faith, wisdom, happiness etc. that replace each negative emotion. I feel overjoyed, humbled, and the power of the grace of God at each birth I attend. My heart is full of gratitude this morning for this sacred calling that only brings pure bliss to my soul which is hopefully then carried to each woman.....each of my earthly sisters that they can find the same bliss, in what sings to their hearts, that I have found.
I would like to share some feelings about the 2 inspiring woman I work with. I so appreciate my dear friend, Alicia. I so appreciate how you just "trust" the process of birth so explicitly. This trust then carries over to all people present at the birth. I so appreciate how your willingness to come and be present with complete adoration, even with your VERY crazy busy life, shines through. I so appreciate how much you have taught me on this path. I so appreciate the LONG hours and excessive time you have spent with me teaching me, being patient with me and just loving me through this process. And how without you.....I wonder if I would even be doing what I am doing. You have helped to change and uplift me and I am forever indebted because of it! Thank you! I LOVE YOU!
Also, I would like to sing Yulia's praises. I LOVE YOU, Yolka! She has been with me on a few of the last births I have done. She has been EXTREMELY helpful physically but also emotionally and spiritually! The spirit she carries at each birth, helps bring such peace and confidence to myself, the mother and even all people involved. Yulia, I am grateful for the power of womanhood you carry. You do and are willing to pass a little of that onto each of us unconfident woman who still carry of fears and phobias in regards to who we are and what our place is in the world. I feel honored and blessed (my 2 favorite words, btw) that you have chosen to walk this path with me right now.
I hope and pray that each you will do so for years to come! I hope and pray that we can help and uplift each other to bring about change within ourselves and all of our sisters that call upon us for aid and comfort. I hope and pray that we can keep working together and form relationships with each other that brings about united harmony and goodness, not only for ourselves but for all living things.
Lastly, Lyndsey...my heart feels so close to you! I LOVE YOU TOO! You are my sister! I believe we were very close at another place and time. Our souls sing to each other. Thank you for letting me be part of something so sacred and special to you! Thank you for the opportunity of listening to my heart's song because you listened to yours. Thank you for trusting each and every experience throughout your pregnancy that brought you closer to yourself. Thank you for seeing a little bit of our Divine Mother within yourself and then spreading that light to all around you! I can't say thank you enough for your efforts and my progression because of them!
Anyway....my heart sings this morning for all gifts given to each of us from our Heavenly Father, our Divine Mother, and our Savior. I pray we can all choose to be true disciples of Him and work "line upon line" to find and give our whole selves and full hearts to Him. Our Savior loves us not because we are good but because he is good! May we all strive each and every minute of everyday to be a little more like Him.
I love you all! I thank each and everyone of you for being part of our lives and accepting and loving us through thick and thin. Words cannot fully express my feelings this morning but I only pray that my feelings are felt by all of you!
Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Uneventful Bliss

"Even Socrates, who lived a very frugal and simple life, loved to go to the market. When his students asked about this, he replied, "I love to go and see all the things I am happy without."~Jack Kornfield After the Ecstasy, the Laundry

Today I attended an AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL birth of a dear friend of mine. I was and am honored to have been there to participate and experience the ecstatic joy with her and her family. She had a dear baby boy. Born at 3:21 pm. 7lbs. 10ozs. 19 inches. Quick, efficient and very uneventful! Just like we like it! WAY TO GO....Lyndsey! Your dear babies birth brought tears to my eyes and a deeper love for all things, to my heart! I love you, my dear sister!
I deeply revere the opportunity I have to uplift, empower and inspire woman to reclaim within themselves all things feminine and creative. It is a blessing and gift from our Divine Mother and pray that I can use it with the purest intent. Each and every one of us woman are sisters. We all have the same blessing and gift. Let us gather it up inside of ourselves and together sing it out to all loving and living things!
Peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Back in Babyland

Can you tell I have been busy with a baby with how little I have posted? My goodness! Babyland is alot of work. I COMPLETELY forgot! It seems almost foreign to me, to a certain extent. I feel like a first time mom all over again. It is s bit different just because I have done it before and there is an aspect of it that is similar to riding a bike. Even if you haven't done it in awhile you can just hop on and ride away.

So.....I don't have the totally blank stare that you see on first time moms where you know there are feeling so lost with what to do. But....I do have the, oh my gosh, did I REALLY do this 4 times before, every 2 years, and not lose my mind? Or maybe I did and I just think I didn't because every mother who has children loses her mind, so in reality we think we are normal but really aren't?

Anyway, to say the least, life has been a bit overwhelming for me. Of course, more emotional issues have arisen. The first month seemed like the BIGGEST emotional roller coaster I have been on in awhile. Lots of unexpected twists and turns, up and downs. My poor husband and kids. I was laughing one minute while crying the next.

It was always FUN for me though to figure out what was going on, why I was feeling that way, and get honest. As you all know, I'm a bit weird that it is so exciting for me to delve into my own psyche and feelings and get as clear as possible. I feel renewed and refreshed when all is said and done. I can DEFINITELY see the difference of the release each time and my family has said they can too!

I was trying to decide if I should share how hard it's been. I don't want to complain or even add more to it than it really is. The interesting part of the situation is that even though I can look outside myself and see that it is challenging, I can also see that I am dealing with it so much better than I would have in the past. I have been grateful that this has been the case. I am even more grateful though that I can see it and be grateful for it.

Oh, I wanted to let everyone know (well those of you who read my blog) that I am starting up nutritional counseling, energy work and pipe ceremonies. I haven't seen people for awhile just because of the craziness of our lives. But I have been feeling "called" again to actively help those who might want or need it. I can do phone consults too! So for those interested, please email rachel@livingmom.net. Also, I have some exciting things in the works in regards to my website and maybe some AMAZING superfoods that will be available to all! Keep checking back to, hopefully soon, see the new and improved site along with some NEW and EXCITING stuff!

My diet has gotten much stricter over the last few weeks. Mabel showed up with thrush about 3 weeks ago. I believe that as sweet little babies do.....she has decided to help carry my resentment for me. I have prayed about this with her and held some good pipe ceremonies with my husband. It is now MUCH better than it originally was. I jumped onto my 80/10/10 diet which I tend to feel the BEST on. So my fat intake has been lower than it was when I was pregnant. Not much though. It is now almost gone. I eat fruit all day long with a raw veggie seaweed role for dinner. SO DELICIOUS!

So... 1 week after Mabel's birth, I was back in my prepregnancy clothes. That was AMAZING to me! It has been such a blessing to not have to worry about trying to lose weight. I gained 60 lbs. in one of my pregnancies and I remember just feeling so saddened by the amount of weight I wanted and needed to lose. I was going to take pictures and post them but really you can just look at any other pictures on my site and that's what I look like. I must add here that I absolutely cherish not wearing a bra. I know that is a totally random thought but I have worn one only a handful of times since she's been born. SO LOVING IT!! I say all woman should go without bras. I don't know if it's true or not but, hands down, a man made up a bra.....not a woman.

All done for today. Love you all!! I will post again soon. Hopefully, sooner than this last time.

Peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Mabel Carroll's Birth Story:Part 2

My labor actually started Friday morning, June 27th. The night before I noticed the contractions were stronger than usual but that didn't seem strange since over the past couple of weeks they had changed from braxton hicks to stronger and stronger "real" contractions. By Friday morning when they still seemed somewhat consistent, it seemed my labor would be typical of all of my other births. With the stronger contractions from the night before, by morning I thought I would probably have the baby that night.

So....Friday day, we went and hung out at my sister in law Yulia's house and the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. By late afternoon, we were pretty sure I was really in labor. You must know that with each labor I go through the same "acceptance and denial" routine. I spend the day trying to decide if I am really in labor while going through the whole emotional gamete of feelings that arise as I realize I am.

I called my husband crying when I clued in that I am, in fact, in labor.... and then I repeat the same scernio all over again when I call my midwife to tell her. It's actually quite funny when I look back on it after it's all said and done. It was actually really FUN to be at Yulia's house while in labor because she was SO EXCITED for me to be having the baby. It made it easier to get excited about it too! Thanks Yulia! I LOVE YOU!

By late afternoon, I knew this had to be real and prepared for her to be born the same as my other kids which was around midnight that night. So Chris called my mother in law, Louise to come and pick up the kids. Chris and I had plans to go out with some friends. We kept them just because I refused to sit around thinking about being in labor when my contractions were still not bad enough that I had to fully focus on them. With my previous births, by 8 or 9 at night, I am in strong active labor and the babies are born by 11 or 12. But by 8 or 9 Friday night, my contractions were still coming but had fizzled quite a bit.
The dinner was nice. We went and ate at one of my favorite places. It's a Greek place in Orem and they have DELICIOUS Greek salads. I just get it with no cheese. As we sat in the restaurant Chris kept asking me if I was still having contractions which I was, they were just not as strong as they had been a couple hours before. I was thinking "What if I am wrong? What if this is "false labor?" I have NEVER had "false" labor before so I thought it was weird that I was SO off about this one. At least, they were still coming and they weren't bad at all.
We came back home around 10 pm and my kids were SO ECSTATIC to think we were going to have the baby soon. We decided to go on a family walk since I still couldn't sit and just relax and didn't really want too! We came home and just sat and watched TV. Then I laid in bed and played solitaire until about 1 am.

Sure enough, as soon as I put my head on the pillow to sleep my contractions picked up again. They proceeded to come every 10 or so minutes the whole night. (which actually wasn't that bad because luckily with 4 other kids and busy life I could still sleep in between just fine) Until around 9 am, I woke Chris to rub my back because I was having VERY powerful back labor. (For those out there who have had it, you know the JOY of back labor) I remember having this with my first and with my 2nd, 3rd and 4th realizing how much easier birth can be without it. It was somewhat disheartening to me to recognize that I was having it again with this one.

Soon after waking Chris to rub my back, I remember with each contraction thinking "We should probably call Cathy and let her know what is going on." But when the contraction was over I would think "No, these aren't that bad." It was really funny because the contractions were about 5 minutes apart (mind you, we never timed them....I'm just guessing) at this point, and the contractions were pretty dang strong but when they were done I kept deciding they weren't that bad but during them...WHOA....I knew I was going to be having the baby soon. Finally Chris said "Yeah, you should call Cathy" so I did. We proceeded to wait for Cathy to come to put the tub together and get that all ready for when the time comes that I want to get in the water.  We called her around 10 and she showed up about 11 am.
Now I have posted that I really wanted to try an unassisted birth. Chris was supportive of it but was having a hard time with the whole idea just because he felt he would then be responsible if anything were to happen. This stressed him out.....BIG TIME! We talked about it and I COMPLETELY understood. Cathy had already contacted me when I was first pregnant requesting that she would LOVE to come to my birth. She had been to all the others and so I knew it was exciting for her to participate in another one. I thought it was so sweet how much she wanted to be there and help out. Looking back now, Chris and I are SO THANKFUL she was there. We feel it was Divine Intervention that we chose to have her come. She was such a BLESSING at the birth and while in labor, I remembered once again why I LOVED her as a midwife, friend and maternal figure at birth. So....if you ever read my blog Cathy.....THANK YOU!! We LOVE you!
When Cathy got to our house, I told her I had tried to check myself but couldn't even find my cervix because it was too far back. She offered to check me and I was 5 cm. By this time the contractions were coming very regular and strong. My kids wanted eggs for breakfast so I decided I wanted to make them. Chris was laughing at me because I couldn't or wouldn't sit down (I think mostly because of the intense back labor sitting down felt VERY uncomfortable) While making the eggs, I would somewhat squat by the stove with each contraction and then stand up again to finish the eggs when it was over. After that, Chris and I went and sat outside in the sun. I wanted the sun beating down on me. I was kind of cold and I just had this strong feeling that I wanted to be outside as long as I could. It felt really good to me for some reason. We were going to go on a walk but as soon as I started walking I would have to hang on Chris or squat so we really didn't get anywhere.
By 12:30 pm, I could tell I was feeling a bit "pushy." I checked myself and was fully dilated. I could tell my cervix was still quite posterior which was probably the reason for the back pain. While checking I felt something I had NEVER felt before when checking a woman. It felt like a sweater over the top of the babies head. Normally, I would call that an anterior lip but it really wasn't a "lip" which is usually thicker and feels like a lip. This was just a thin piece of tissue holding up the babies head EVERY time I had a contraction. It covered about 1/2 of the babies head. So when I pushed, it was unproductive as the head was just putting pressure on that tissue and the baby wouldn't really move down until we could get that tissue moved out of the way.
At this point, I decided I wanted the tub. I got in and Cathy and I discussed that I should try holding that tissue back with each contraction. I did and talk about SEVERE back pain. This went on for several contractions until I was having a hard time doing it myself. I then proceeded to get out of the tub and get into a knees to chest position so we could take some of the pressure of the babies head off of the cervix. Let me tell you, this is the WORST position to have pushing contractions in, on top of having your cervix held back. You are working against gravity. NOT FUN!! I was a bit concerned because we could get it to stay back during a contraction but then when it was over, the tissue would just move right back over the babies head.
We held back the cervix and tried different positions for the next 1/2 an hour until I wanted to get back in the water and hold it myself again. Within a couple of contractions after getting in the water, I felt the tissue stay back after a contraction. I finally felt a bulging bag of waters coming out from the babies head. YEAH!! I could push and get the baby OUT!! HALLELUJAH! I broke my own waters and then felt as the baby came down. I don't remember pushing this hard with any of my other children. Well, maybe my first. I had heard others say that there is a big difference in the pain factor when pushing out a 8 lb. baby as compared to a 6 lb. baby. I DID NOT find that to be the case in my situation, I am sorry to say.
Cathy was holding my hands and pulling against me while I was squatting in the tub pushing her out. I am usually quit vocal at this point but I think this is the LOUDEST I have ever been. I have seen so many of my clients stay so quiet and I just don't know how they do it. Everyone is so different when it comes to giving birth. The interesting part, that Chris pointed out to me after, not one swear word came out of my mouth.
As I was pushing Cathy was asking me what I was feeling because I kept checking and feeling the babies head descending the whole time. The last time she asked I told her I felt burning. I told her "yes." She said "Oh good!!" I thought that was really cute! As soon as her head was out, my kids ran over to the tub to see it and were oooooing and ahhhhing over it. With the next contraction, I grabbed up Mabel and pulled her up to my chest. She did have a nuchal and chest cord. We quickly unwrapped it to then listen to her WONDERFUL scream. I have never cried after the birth of my children. I have been at many births where I have cried after someone else's birth but this was my first child where I sobbed just to see her BEAUTIFUL, healthy face. I was so GRATEFUL that all was well and we had been SO IMMENSELY BLESSED!!
As many of you already know, Chris was so anxious about us having a girl. A few days before the birth, he was in a severe depression because he had come to the conclusion it was going to be a boy. So it was HYSTERICALLY funny when within one second of birth, I heard Chris (who was sitting behind me) say, "Praise God, it's a girl." Now mind you, I have NEVER heard him say praise God before so that made the situation even FUNNIER!! He wasn't looking at how cute she was or if she was ok. The minute she was born this eyes only focused on the area that would show him whether or not he was having a daughter or a son. SO PRECIOUS!!
Chris was AMAZING during the whole process. He was supportive and LOVING rubbing my back and just being physically and emotionally supportive. My kids were all there to see their little sister born. They thought it was the COOLEST thing they had ever seen. The birth had been a bit intense toward the end trying to deal with the "lip" and all. Chris was so great to explain everything to them as it was happening so they were reassured that all was well. I could tell that since they could see Daddy wasn't stressed there was no need for them to be stressed either. They sat intently and quietly for an hour and an half waiting for her to be born. I was in complete AWE of my children and how grown up and mature they acted during the whole process. It made the experience so much more to have them there.
All in all, even with how hard it felt at the end, it was a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL birth and the gift we received at the end was COMPLETELY worth it. She is the SWEETEST baby EVER!! We are all so HAPPY she is here and part of our family. As you can imagine, Chris is ECSTATIC to have a girl. He loves and caresses on her when he gets the chance. Hope you all like the pictures. Thanks for all the prayers that have been sent our way. With how stressful life has been with Johnny, our move etc., we couldn't top of the end with anything better than MAGNIFICENT Mabel.
Mabel Carroll Talley
Born: June 28th, 2008
Time: 1:48 pm
Weight: 6 lbs. 4 ozs.
Length: 18 1/2 in.
Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Mabel's Birth Story-Part 1 1/2

In the hopes of getting everyone even more excited to hear my birth story, I decided to create a bit more anticipation. I want to share a bit about my Full Moon Ceremony/Native American Blessingway first. I wish I had been on the ball enough to actually take a camera and take pictures but to no avail, once again, I came unprepared to do so. I do have some pictures of a few of the things that we did but none of who came. So sorry.

It was an AMAZING, UPLIFTING, SPIRITUAL night for me. I so needed to bond with other woman on the night of the full moon and just share and bask in our womanhood and the upcoming birth of my little girl.

I started out the night by showing a little clip discussing what conscious birth is, from the movie "Birth As We Know It." I did that in order to help others understand what I had planned for this pregnancy and birth. Most of the woman there already understood the concept and were so open to the new ideas and feelings that came along with it. After showing the clip, I broke into tears just about how grateful I was that all my friends were there and were open to letting the evening envelope them and truly connect with each other.

We then proceeded to walk upstairs and eat the DELICIOUS and NUTRITIOUS raw food we had made. We had made a BEAUTIFUL salad with a tahini/parsley/garlic dressing, since I had been craving tahini at the time. We did also provide food for the people who had a more expanded diet. We had hummus with WW tortillas and some DECADENT desserts my sister in law Yulia made. They were so ELEGANT! No one could even believe they were raw! While everyone was eating, I explained to them why I had requested they bring the charms to put on a necklace. I asked them to write intentions/prayers for my birth and then explain them to me while giving me the charm. OH MY GOODNESS!! This part of the ceremony was just a spiritual experience for me. I just couldn't believe how much thought and love everyone had put into their prayer and charm. Here is an example of one of the intentions I received:

"My intention for your birth is that you be keenly aware of the love our Heavenly Mother has for you. That you might perceive and recognize her in the substance of your dreams and the natural flowing of your thoughts and intuitions. By recognizing her within yourself, you will more easily trust your preferences, natural inclinations, and spiritual leanings. This is the Divine Feminine within you!

The charm I chose is because of it's earthly substance. Your spirit will tap into the divine through your Spirit self and by the substance of this charm you will apply that divine council in grounded and practical ways throughout the process of your birth and thereafter."


WOW!! Can you believe it? So AMAZING! Also, as everyone was eating and such I asked that each woman would be prayerful and draw on my belly cast what inspired them. Each woman was prayerful about it and my belly cast permeates love and peace.

After eating and such, a friend of mine played a melody she had written with her guitar. It spoke of the Divine Feminine in all of us and was so touching it brought most of us to tears. We all then went back downstairs to watch another clip of an actual birth where the woman was fully aware and present throughout the whole process. Again, each of us were brought to tears by the profound sense of our own existence.

Lastly, we ended the night with a pipe ceremony where my friend Shauna said a prayer for my birth and thereafter. Another friend sang again for us and we all spent the next hour relishing in each others thoughts and feelings about life and the awe of it all.

As everyone was leaving, I passed out tea candles with affirming, positive words for them to light when they got the call I was in labor. We created a calling circle where one of my friend's called everyone to let them know I was in labor and to light their candles. I just talked to a friend on the phone who had been out of town when she got the call. It was her birthday and she was feeling quite alone. She said it made her day to light her "ecstasy" candle and know that I was having my baby on her birthday. How FUN is that?

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to celebrate and have this ceremony with so many INSPIRING woman. I couldn't have asked for a better experience. It exceeded what I even expected. Thank you, my dear friends. I learned so much from you all that night and truly believe that my birth turned out to be such a GIVING, LOVING experience because of that night and your thoughts and prayers.

I will do my best to post my birth in the next few days. I have been dealing with a breast infection for the last couple of days. It was only REALLY bad yesterday but today seems to be MUCH better. I think it's the fever part that is so AWFUL!! I just hardly EVER get sick or have anything where I feel bad so I had forgotten what that feels like. But....once again, I was grateful for the experience. I got to look hard at myself and why I was wanted to create that kind of discomfort. Chris was AWESOME through the whole thing yesterday. He stayed home with me and helped me get through it. I sure LOVE and APPRECIATE him. I need to do it more!!

I am dealing with more emotional stuff right now. I wasn't quite ready for Mabel to come. She was a bit early, earlier than all my other kids and because life has been so crazy I think I wasn't emotionally prepared for her birth. It has been a bit of an adjustment. I have felt REALLY grateful that my sister Kim came out to stay with me. She has been SUCH a help. I don't know what I would without her right now. But....I am still trying to process all these feelings of going back to "babyland" and nursing and changing diapers and so on and so forth. I knew before she was born that I was having these feelings but, of course, they are much more apparent now that she is born. Does anyone have thoughts on this? Are there others out there who have also felt this way? I kind of feel like a first time Mom all over again. It's really WEIRD!! I would LOVE to hear others adjustments and how they dealt emotionally with such a HUGE change.

Thanks for listening all of you! Well, those who read my blog. LOL!! I will share more about my feelings and the birth very soon so check back!!
Abundant peace,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Mabel's Birth Story-Part 1 of 2

So.....we had a baby!!! Our sweet little Mabel was born in water on Saturday, June 28th at 1:48 pm. I am calling this post part 1 of 2 because this post will not tell my birth story. Instead I am posting some pictures of the last week or 2 of my pregnancy. For those who don't know, I have had 2 bowel surgeries so the long dark scar on my belly is from those. The last pictures where I am wearing the red shirt is actually me in labor.

I will come back and post the birth story within the next few days, along with how my Full Moon Ceremony and Native American Blessinway went. Both were AMAZING and am really excited to share the stories with everyone. In the next post, I will post pictures of me in labor and after. Thanks to all my friends and loved ones who have been sending up prayers and thoughts my way. It was IMMENSE help and I could feel so much love throughout the whole process of later pregnancy and birth.

by Rachel Talley

Birth CD & More Whale Songs

Can you believe I am already posting again? I don't have too much exciting to tell about. I still haven't taken more picture either. We are still in the process of trying to get settled and finish some last minute items around that house. We also haven't removed everything from our old house, most importantly for me, our front door. I LOVE the door we bought to put on it and Chris has told me he will swap the two so I can still look at my BEAUTIFUL front door.

I can't remember if I have already posted this song. I am planning on making a CD for my birth. I am looking for songs that are relaxing & peaceful but I am also wanting songs that help me to own my sexuality. My belief is that the same energy that creates the sweet little spirit is the same energy that aids in releasing the babe into this sphere. Here is one of those songs for me. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Ray's music. I feel passionate, alive, and inspired when I listen to it!!

I am also wanting a CD of the songs of humpback whales. I feel so peaceful and serene when I listen to their songs. At the birth of my daughter, I had this little contraption that played all kinds of different sounds like birds, bugs, heartbeat and so on. Well, one of the sounds was a rainstorm. It made all the difference in the world to me because rainstorms bring peace to my heart and complete relaxation. Here's a video with just the songs of the whales and then another one put to music. SO WONDERFUL!!

Plus, for those who don't know all of my babies were born at home with 2 so far being born under water. I am planning another water birth. The ONLY way to have a baby, IMHO! You can learn more about water birth on the Birth Into Being site or Waterbirth.org site. I recommend you read all you can about it and the benefits thereof.

It was interesting because someone just sent an email to one of the groups I am part of forwarding you to a woman's blog who has a personal vendetta against homebirth and anything that might come along with it. I found the article to be quite hysterical. I had a good laugh about it. Her comments and information were certainly skewed and misinformed. From my personal experience and the experience of watching others deliver their babies in water, has only been MAGNIFICENT and BENEFICIAL in all ways for mother and baby. It has aiding and uplifted both mom and baby in so a large number of ways that all you would have to do is watch it and you would learn quickly from your own experience what it can and does do for all parties involved.

So....I now have only about 3 weeks to go. Chris thinks I might go early. I don't think so. But....I am REALLY excited for my Full Moon Celebration and Native American Blessingway that will be taking place next Wednesday evening. It should be AMAZING! I will hopefully find someone to take pictures and then post some info about how it goes here on the ol' blog. It will be all woman and we will be, of course, celebrating birth and womanhood in so many different forms.

I think that will be all for now. I am excited to post about the cloth diapers and such I am using. Kara, my very good friend, is a cloth diaper EXPERT and she was kind enough to take pity on me and help me know what and how to use them. I will post sites and such that have helped me. This way I will be able to post again sooner because I will have something new to post about. STAY TUNED!!

Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

I am ALIVE!

I am so sorry to those small few of you who read my blog and site. We literally have spent the last 3 weeks packing and trying to move. We have now been living in American Fork for about 2 weeks but still have some last items to pick up from the Provo house. I have only been able to get on the internet from Chris' work for the past 3 weeks so there's the reason for no posts.

Then last Tuesday morning at 9:15 am my father in law past away. He died peacefully which we are very grateful for. We are happy to see him no longer suffer but VERY saddened at the loss of "Papa" for our children. My mother in law put together a BEAUTIFUL funeral yesterday. We have cried a  lot and felt peace alot!! My kids are doing ok. My youngest, Pratt, is having the hardest time. He was, by far, the closest to him of all my children. You wouldn't really know it though if you didn't understand him and how he deals with pain. He really hasn't cried but the last time he saw Papa he came home and proceeded to spray paint our front walk and our neighbors. He is angry and sad and confused and doesn't really know what to feel. Poor guy!! We love him SO MUCH and we are trying so hard to help him through this. Again, prays being sent our way would be AWESOME!!

Finally, I thought I had 5 weeks left......with my due date being July 4th. My husband quickly corrected me and told me I had 4. CRAZY!! I am a bit freaked about that, I must say! We still have to unpack some and I just need to get organized to have a baby. I guess I don't "need" to but, for me, I do!! I was up on hyper mode the other night cleaning and such until about 2 in the morning. Chris had a good laugh!

I am still eating all or extremely HIGH raw!! Lovin' it! The larger my belly gets the more strict I have found I need to be. No more steamed broccoli! Gives me VERY uncomfortable gas! Anywho, I will post more soon. I am actually going to post a picture of me that was taken on May 12th. I am quite a bit larger now! My hubby says he will take more pics for everyone soon!!

Abundant peace,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Cleansing & Purging AGAIN!

A friend of mine emailed a inspiring little video put together by the makers of The Secret. I would click on the link and scour the site. They have some FUN stuff!

Here is the video for others enjoyment. I LOVE Mother Earth! She's BEAUTIFUL and so GIVING to us all! My prayer is that we can all make small changes and efforts to care for her properly and bring about health and happiness for her. Thanks Carolyn for sending this my way!

The same WONDERFUL friend sent me another tear jerking video. It is UPLIFTING! Make sure to have tissues available. Chris and I watched this together and had a good cry. When we let our true human nature, which is love and peace, kick in-we then get the opportunity to see how GLORIOUS and GIVING we all really are! It reminds us to always expect the unexpected. Enjoy and let yourself be MOVED!

So....the last few days I have been moving through some VERY powerful cleansing energy. Starting Monday afternoon, till now, I have been pretty much down with nausea and uncomfortable & profuse diarrhea. I hope it's ok I share exactly what I have been feeling, even if it isn't "pretty.". We have been trying to figure out what physically is going on. It could be some virus. I have friends who have had similar symptoms over the past few weeks. Or something I ate. Maybe some bacteria on a fruit or veggie I ate. I think it is lasting too long for it to be that. Baby has been fine! No contractions or concerns in that regards, I feel. Loads of movement which, at times, can be quite annoying while you are feeling like you want to vomit. But.....I am still grateful for it!

I normally have some severe food allergies that we finally realized I had a few years ago. I have stayed away, for the most part from those foods, but I have still picked and tasted somewhat when I get the opportunity. I have been researching things on the internet this morning and I am actually wondering if my food allergies have gotten worse because of the pregnancy. I seem to have many of the symptoms of this problem. Maybe because of squishing of my bowels from the uterine growth or who knows. From what I have read, this can be quite common. I swear, my life is just NEVER boring, is it? I contacted our AWESOME family practitioner this morning. Still waiting for a call back. Just getting more thoughts and ideas but I actually think I'm on the mend and have figured out the problem but we'll see.

Well, of course, in this vulnerable situation I have had SO MUCH emotionally come up for me. I have cried off and on about so many things. I had really felt that with all the stresses going on, I had been handling it pretty good. I guess I saw how I was still unconsciously stuffing feelings that were obviously in there because they were now coming out! CRAZY!! This morning I awoke feeling better. I finally ate food with a bit more substance last night and even though it still seemed to move through quickly, I can tell I absorbed more and that things are doing better this morning.

What have I learned thus far? I hold on to so much ANGER and RESENTMENT. When I don't feel good, I just get PISSED! I don't know if there is anyone else that does this but I don't think that's how it is for everyone. I am such a CONTROL freak that when I am down and out, my whole world seems to spin out of control and then all hell breaks loose in my head. So sad! This time was SO MUCH better than it had been in the past which was great for me! I am VERY GRATEFUL for that! I just kind of sat back in AWE at all was inside of me and how I justified being so angry about the stupidest, littlest things. I am sure they became HUGE because I made them that way. Really I am sure that they all along felt HUGE, I just decided to act like they weren't that big of a deal (for fear of myself) until I could stuff them no longer and they were going to release in whatever form they needed too! Believe me, THEY HAVE! LOL!

This morning I was meditating upon these feelings, both physical and emotional. I was pondering & praying to God & Heavenly Mother. On one of my many visits to the toilet, sitting on the back of it was my "Autobiography of a Yogi" book. I said to myself that I needed some insight and some new thoughts to ponder. I opened to a page and I my eyes fell directly onto this quote.

"You see how God feels for us," Master replied after I expressed my gratitude. "The Lord responds to all and works for all. Just as He sent the rain at my plea, so He fulfills any sincere desire of the devotee. Seldom do men realize how often God heeds their prayers. He is NOT partial to a few, but listen to everyone who approaches Him trustfully. His children should ever have implicit faith in the loving kindness of their Omnipresent Father."


Lovely! Just lovely! Exactly what I needed, as always. So subtle, so simple, & so sweet. I have received so many answers over the last couple of days and felt really blessed as I moved through this energy, trying to understand more. This was the final peace that I needed to know that I am LOVED and am LOVE! That no matter what I am heard and my thoughts and feelings HEEDED by an all knowing, all loving Father & Mother in Heaven. He does respond and has responded, ALWAYS. I look back and I can see it! I just remove my own expectations, agenda and false beliefs of what it should look like and there it is.

I am still eating the same, except for the last few days when food intake has been limited. Still feeling great, 99% of the time. I am excited for our move and should hopefully take place within the next week. Some changes we've made on it look just LUSCIOUS! Please keep sending good thoughts and prayers our way. With everything going on, my kids have had some emotional issues arise and though it's been good, we all can use more goodness from each of you! I am so thankful for the love and prayers we have already felt being sent our way. THANK YOU with all our hearts!!

Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

P.S. I hope this all makes sense. I apologize if my thoughts are a bit scattered. Just so many to think about and not enough time to make it clear and completely understandable.

by Rachel Talley

Birth & Death

Once again, it has been a very extended period of time since I have posted. Let's see.....some new news! We are moving to American Fork. There are lots of reasons for the move, which I won't go into detail about here, but overall we feel the move should be a really good thing for all parties involved. For those who don't know, my in laws have lived with us for the past 18 months. My father in law has gotten VERY sick lately. He was diagnosed 2 years ago with prostate cancer. We all feel he is on his last leg now. I think it has made it a bit easier for all of us to bear living together while it's going on.

I have been contemplating this phenomenon of death and life. It has been so interesting and thought provoking for me to ponder how over the next 2 months we will have the crossing over of 2 beautiful beings. They are both beginning and ending of season of time and existence. I was thinking on how one seems to be a new beginning (birth) and the other (death) an end. Of course, when I say end I don't mean end end but the end here and now. The end of progression in this form that my father in law has taken on for the last 64 years. I soon realized I was living in an unexpansive place to believe this. They are BOTH beginning and ending something kind of AMAZING change.

I have decided that neither one is better or worse than the other. Our social norms put certain feelings, thoughts, ideas etc. on each. Death is a good bye for others and a feeling of sadness as thoughts of living without a certain person become more present. While birth tends to be looked at as joyful and exciting. But....I have recognized that we can change our perceptions of each and find joy, love, excitement and peace in both. New learning, growth, progression, and understanding comes from each change. We can definitely mourn the loss of a loved one and really should.

When we understand just a small amount of the WONDERFUL WAY God set up our existence and universal changes with all living things, we can glean small insights into our own inner worlds and learn SO MUCH!! I sure have anyway. Let me tell you, when you are moving, fully participating in a death and a birth, you really have been given a gift of searching for light and wisdom and FINDING it! Well, I think I have found some and I am SO GRATEFUL for it. I hope more will come! I can't type all my thoughts and feelings here. I just felt I would share a tidbit on a more personal note.

Tomorrow night (I am SO EXCITED!!) Chris and I are going to a concert by a band called "The Swell Season." If anyone has seen the movie "Once", then you know who I am talking about. This is an AWESOME movie that both Chris and I LOVED!! It is somewhat like a modern day musical but so much more. It is unique which makes it hard to describe. Here are a couple of videos of there music. You will LOVE it!! This one is them at Sundance!

They even won an Oscar for Best Original Song! I tried to post it here but you can't embed it so, oh well. But....here is my favorite song from the movie!

My sister, Kim, was the one who called and told me they would be in town. Thanks a MILLION, Kimmy!! She says they are SO GOOD in concert! I would recommend that EVERYONE see the movie. It will make you laugh and cry.

I am now officially 30 weeks pregnant. I CAN'T believe it! Only 10 more weeks and I still have NOTHING! I have been such a slacker in that department. I am learning about Kangaroo Care which Chris thought was such a GREAT idea too! I said to him, "So when you hold the baby with you take off your shirt and hold it close to your chest?" He said, "Of course, I can't wait too!" Isn't that the CUTEST thing you have EVER heard?

So....the other night I made the YUMMIEST food for dinner! I thought I would share it with the rest of you. Make it! SO DELICIOUS! A good friend of mine named Carolyn showed it to me a few years ago. THANK, girlfriend! It's still a FAV!

1 large avocado
2 cups of corn, fresh or frozen
1 large tomato, finely chopped
2 tbs. cilantro
3 tbs. finely chopped onions
2 tsp. olive oil
apple cider vinegar
curry to taste
salt to taste

I add TONS of curry cuz I LOVE it! I lay this inside of romaine leaves.

I will leave you with a couple of LOVELY, INSPIRING quotes. Ponder and pray upon them and they will SING to you, too!!

"Happiness is not what makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us happy."
~David Steindl-RastA Listening Heart 

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."
~ Joseph Addison

I had a friend call again last night about posting a picture. I'm sorry I haven't done that yet. Maybe soon. Just imagine me basically the same but with a big belly! That's what I look like. Until next time.
Abundant peace,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

Eye Opening Insights

I received this in my emails a few weeks ago from a friend. I thought it was SO COOL that I would pass it along for others to see. Make sure and watch til the very end. That's when the neatest thing happens with one of the ocean predators. As I watched this, I was AMAZED and realized that even though we live in a society where we think we know SO MUCH scientifically, we still have NOTHING on animal life. Imagine if we could do what these sea creatures can do.

To go along with the video, I thought I would post this quote I recieved from the gratefulness website. I thought it applied well to the video above. This is a quote that you can just sit back and ponder and meditate it. Of course, I believe it to be absolutely true. Just think about the video and aside from that how many other wonders in the world their are. I have tried this for several days and it really puts you in a place of AWE and GRATITUDE. Try it!! You'll see.

"The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction."
~Rachel Carson

Here's another thought provoking quote that applies to everything else I have shared here. I LOVE sharing these with you guys. I hope they help others as much as they help me.

"The world is holy. We are holy. All life is holy. Daily prayers are delivered on the lips of breaking waves, the whisperings of grasses, the shimmering of leaves."
~Terry Tempest Williamsfrom
Talking to God: Portrait of a World at Prayer (anthology) 


The last one for today. This is something I am trying to do. Like I stated in my last post, I am still striving to find that place of peace and serenity when in the middle of chaos because that truly is the world we live in. I think I am doing a bit better. Sometimes it feels really hard because there is this side of me that likes the excess drama, even though I hate to admit it. I am learning there can be absolutely NO DRAMA in life. That I can take it each moment at a time and be prayerful and ok in each moment.

Chris and I were talking yesterday about our fears. I think for most men a fear of failure is quite common. Anyway, we had an interesting conversation about how "failure" is a false idea or lie, if you will, that we tell ourselves in keep ourselves in a place of worthlessness. You can NEVER really fail. Life is learning, growth, progression, connection and understanding. When we realize that part of it, we then recongize that we can't fail. We can only take our choices and experiences and learn from them using our God as a higher source for future questions and answers. I think this quote exemplifies this idea.

Anywho, here is the quote FINALLY!!

"When it seems humanly impossible to do more in a difficult situation, surrender yourself to the inner silence and thereafter wait for a sign of obvious guidance or for a renewal of inner strength."
~Paul BruntonMeditations for People in Crisis 


Something I wanted to share. Another video a friend sent me through email. This woman's experience as a brain researchers discovering that her own brain was malfunctioning. This is SO INTRIQUING, and so RIGHT ON!! I LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!! I know it's 18 minutes long but I hope you will all watch the whole thing because it only gets better and better! Grab some tissues especially if you are pregnant! I produced some good tears by the end! I hope you do too!

Isn't that GREAT? Oh my goodness! She speaks of one of my core beliefs and in such a BEAUTIFUL, INSPIRING way. Thank you Lorna for sending this! I am going to watch it again and again to remember who I really am.

Pregnancy is still so good! Last night my dear, sweet hubby took me up to Omar's Living Cuisine for dinner. Again, it was SO DELICIOUS! This last week has been REALLY good! I have felt good and had a decent amount of energy. I was just so busy with other things that I was only able to exercise one day this week. I can't believe it! I have exercised everyday (except during too sick days of pregnancy) for the last 3 years. Even if it is just walking on my treadmill for a 1/2 an hour, I usually did something. The only other down fall is that my exercise has already slowed a bit because of the strain I can feel from the hernia. It doesn't hurt, just VERY uncomfortable by the end of the exercise. I am ok with slowing down. Somedays it NICE!!

My diet is becoming lighter as the weather gets warmer. I am finding I want more juices and smoothies than heavier foods. Plus, with the growth of my belly and the squishing of my stomach, I have found I eat more small meals and less food than I have! I can usually "put it down" which means eat quite a bit of food in one sitting. Wait until I am breastfeeding. WHOA! I am hungry all the time then. I couldn't even finish my whole salad at Omar's yesterday. That is NOT normal for me. But I am enjoying eating this way.

I am so grateful for the SUN and warm weather coming. Walking outside is so WONDERFUL!

That is all for today. I hope everyone had a HAPPY, EASY week and the next week brings the same. Let's all LOVE LIFE and find JOY & FUN & LIGHTNESS & EASE in every moment. Summer is coming. Spending time in the grass and tress and SUN. Thanking God for Mother Earth! How AWESOME is that!

Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

More Questions & Answers

Someone sent this to my comments section of my last post!! I enjoyed it so I thought I would share it.


Again, it has been so long since I have posted. I always think I am going to have more time than I have. High expectations of myself, eh?

Here are a couple more of the gratefulness emails I get. I sure LOVED a few of them. The one below is where I want to be each & everyday. I believe there is a part of me that is already in this place so I am searching for it to bring it forth with the hope that applying this principle will be a SNAP!

"I have reached a point in my life where I understand the pain and the challenges; and my attitude is one of standing up with open arms to meet them all."
~Myrlie Evers


Next, is another one that has been VERY inspirational for me to ponder upon. Of course, my "source" is my Savior, Jesus Christ and if I truly give my burdens to Him, he WILL carry them for me. How cool is that? We can never fully reach that peaceful space within ourselves or as a whole as living, loving beings without the opportunity to purge ourselves of all the false lies and perceptions we let creep into our thoughts and actions. I am still learning how to completely understand this principle of looking for the miracles each and EVERY moment of everyday when I know I am so PROFOUNDLY loved by someone else SO MUCH!!

"If planetary peace seems beyond our reach, recall: Miracles are natural when we rely on the Source of All to carry our burdens with us. Then, even peace is possible."
~Nan Merrill with Barbara Taylor
Peace Planet: Light for Our World

For those who might be interested, I received an email a couple of weeks ago from a woman who was asking basic questions about my diet & wanting to know what I ate everyday. I asked her if she wouldn't mind if I posted our conversation here and of course, she didn't. So here it is! I know there have been others who have also been interested in what I eat while I have been pregnant.

Hi Rachel,
I have been encouraged by your site and blogs.

I am most interested in the fact that you are currently expecting a baby and maintaining your all to very high raw food diet. I personally am near to progressing to an all or very high raw (most likely) food diet AND just found out this morning that I am expecting our 5th child. (And this will be our 3rd home birth to try.) We praise the Lord!

If you have the time, I would very much appreciate and be interested in knowing what a "typical" day of food consuming might look like for you. If you have any extra tips or pointers on pregnancy and raw food. Or any other concerns to keep in mind. I could sure use the encouragement.

You are an inspiration!
May the Lord bless you and your family!
Thanks for the help,
Melissa

Melissa,I am so glad you have found my blog and are enjoying it. Thank you for your kind and loving words of support and encouragement! Congrats on the pregnancy and trying to eat as much raw as possible. Especially at the beginning of pregnancy, this can feel like an impossible feat at times. I am also pregnant with our 5th. It's been so interesting for us because we were sure we were done. Our youngest will be 6 when this baby is born. So a pretty big gap there! My oldest is 12. But it's FUN that all my kids are so excited.

I am pretty basic in my diet. I started eating some cooked foods (even though I consider them questionable cooked foods sometimes because I know the majority of enzymes are still intact) about 3 months before I got pregnant and after eating pretty strict all raw for 5 years. Before that, I had been eating 80/10/10 (a raw diet advocated by Doug Graham) for about 18 months. I am still intrigued by the fact that my husband and I have used the same birth control for 13 years. All of our other children were planned. We have NEVER had an accident baby. During the time of eating all raw, there were some slip ups intimately. While eating 80/10/10, I had lost some weight but I was eating the needed calories. I did feel GREAT while eating that way. I started dealing with some pretty powerful emotional issues and so I incorporated a few lightly steamed veggies and such. It was during this time that I put on a small amount of weight from the extra starch consumption, and wouldn't you know it, a month later I was "accidentally" pregnant. I still find that funny! I think it just taught me the importance of doing the BEST we can each and everyday and listening to our bodies and hearts with what we need to find that place of inner peace and joy!

Anyway, my diet varies somewhat week to week by what is in season. Recently I found cases of oranges at a local grocery store so my mornings start out with fresh squeezed OJ mixed with my powered greens. Then that is followed by a quart to 2 quarts of green drink which usually consists of fresh, organic spinach, bananas, frozen peaches or mangoes or whatever. Lately, there have been some DELICIOUS fresh mangoes at Costco so I've been eating a lot of those. Then I eat a large salad which has been so good with my raw sesame dressing but I do sometimes eat vegan dressings I purchase at the local health food store. So....if I do eat anything cooked, I usually do so at the end of the day. Recently, that has been some steamed green beans or broccoli. My husband and I have to travel to Las Vegas for his job on a regular basis and so off and on I have incorporated a baked potato here and there. Oh, and like I said in my last post, I have eaten a handful of organic local eggs throughout the pregnancy and am really enjoying that.

I think what has worked the best for me throughout this pregnancy is that I decided to really "tune in" and listen to myself in all regards, not just physically. When it comes to my diet though, when I made the decision to be less strict, I decided to have FUN with my food choices and just be grateful for EVERYTHING I choose to eat.

I LOVE a stricter all raw diet and enjoy what it has offered me but....I LOVE the way I am eating now too! Be gentle and kind with yourself. Strive to remove guilt for something you eat and just listen to inner knowing of what is best for you right now in your life. Guaranteed, things will change in my life. I am VERY open to that and hope that as I want to learn and be more, I will stay in a place of grace and ease with myself. I believe that the way I am eating now is VERY healthy for me and my growing child. To believe otherwise would only create inner turmoil that I choose to not have present inside me.

So....I hope this has been at least somewhat helpful. Thanks for your questions. I LOVE to answer them and help in anyway I can. God bless you on your journey. I hope you find what you are searching for throughout this pregnancy and birth. If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Peace to you,
Rachel

Life has been SO FUN and SO NOT FUN over the past few weeks. I still have days where I feel it's so HARD and then days where I feel it's so LIGHT, EASY and REFRESHING! Emotionally, I feel that I have learned and grown SO IMMENSELY! New ideas and thoughts keep surfacing. Sometimes keeping up with them can feel a bit overwhelming but then I just relax & meditate and listen to find exactly what I need to be learning at that moment.

As of right now, I am (I think) 27 weeks pregnant. In a week or so, I will start my 3rd trimester. I apologize once again for the slack on my part in still not taking a picture. Anyone who lives here locally and wants to see how I look is WELCOME to stop by and see my growing belly. Like I stated in the last post, I had been sick and lost some weight. I have had days where I have felt a bit more nausea off and on so for about the last 2 weeks, I have eaten almost all raw all the time and haven't had much of an appetite. It again returned with full force about 2 days ago so I feel like I am eating us out of house and home.

My current weight is around 135 which still makes my weight gain around 10-15 lbs. I still feel SO GREAT, most days. My belly is getting a bit awkward. Rolling over in bed feels like a feat at times. I did try to get a maternity belt for my hernia but it didn't really do much. It isn't really bothering me yet. By the end of the day, I do have that lower belly ache that comes with the growing belly but other than that I feel SO BLESSED and HAPPY! I truly feel God's & Heavenly Mother's love poured out upon me throughout this pregnancy. I feel Them reaching out to take care of me and my dear baby so that we can both be HEALTHY, PEACEFUL and STRONG.

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I must admit that I did have some good fears in regards to my body and what it could handle. I poured my soul out to Them and have found the safe haven of LOVE, COMFORT & SUPPORT I have been looking for. What gratitude I feel for this! I just felt the need to express it with all of you!

Lastly, I was SURE this was a girl. After much deliberation between my dear Chris and I, we decided to involve my midwife in the birth. It has really helped to relieve pressure from my hubby so he can feel more peaceful at the birth which is VERY important for me and him.

My midwife is so CUTE! She is VERY EXCITED I am pregnant again and can't wait to see the baby! I have seen her twice and at the last visit that heartbeat was 144. This is my boy's heartbeats. Up until that moment, the thought of a boy hadn't really even entered my mind. So....now I am thankful that I can prepare myself and find that space of love and acceptance if we have a boy. I know that may sound weird but I was sure from personal, spiritual experience it was and is a girl. I am second guessing myself now. We will just have to wait and see, eh?

Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

2 Kinds of Head Congestion

I have received 2 emails from something called Hidden School. They have a small link to their website at the bottom of the page but I have never been able to pull it up. Both emails have been VERY thought provoking and even inspiring for me. I wanted to share one with you here. This is something that is EXTREMELY hard for me to do. My mind and thoughts seem to be NEVER ending. I understand, and have known for sometime, the importance of quieting our minds to find a peaceful place and can accomplish it on a certain level when meditating. Other than that, it seems to never stop. I feel a bit more successful in this change when I notice myself making that shift at chaotic times of the day especially when I sense I am being taught and it is time for me to really listen.

Thinking too much
It is the nature of the mind to make things much more complicated than it actually is. Since we believe things are complicated we look for complications. In finding complications it confirms that things are complicated thus creating a cycle of thinking too much. This cycle of thinking to much causes a ceaseless and constant chatter within our awareness, in a sense rooting our awareness within our minds as it is demanding our attention.

Many thing in this world are not as they appear and in many cases backwards to the natural order of nature. Within our spirits wisdom is to be the master and the intellect the servant. An easy way to see if your intellect is the master is if you have a constant internal dialog, internal chatter and can you stop it at will so you can listen to your wisdom. Can a muddy pond full of thoughts and internal chatter be still enough to reflect and see our true nature and be silent enough to hear the voice of our innate wisdom? One of mans greatest gift"s and yes curse is his mind. When the mind thinks to much the intellect becomes the master and the wisdom the servant. When the mind slows down and the internal chatter quiets the balance is restored and the wisdom becomes the master and the intellect the servant. Slow down, look around you, smell the roses feel the warmth of the sun against your skin. Hear the birds sing while you taste life. Don't think so much take a moment to hear your wisdom.

If you wish to have wisdom then you must learn to stop that chatter within your minds else how can your wisdom speak to you. Its much like being in a concert with millions of people yelling and trying to hear your friend whisper next to you. To hear him you must quiet your surroundings it is the same with your wisdom, you must quiet your mind. Make it like a still pond so the reflection of reality can be seen.

Isn't that so LOVELY? I have read and reread it really trying to let it sink in and become part of me so that I can relearn and reapply this truth.

So.....guess what? I have been HORRIBLY sick for the past 5 days. I can't believe it. About a week and a 1/2 ago, my 10 year old came down with it. It starts with just a headache and body aches, then a fever for a few days and loss of appetite and ends with SEVERE congestion, depending on the person sometimes more in the head or more in the chest.

After Golden got it, then a few days later Dean and Pratt came down with it. A few days after that Millie and I were next. I spent a full week just taking care of pretty sick kids to end up being COMPLETELY out of commission for the past 5 days. Thankfully, all the kids seem to be doing TONS better. You can tell the congestion is getting to them a bit but they are pretty much back to normal.

I, on the other hand, have been MISERABLE!! I can't even remember the last time I was this sick. My overwhelming uncomfortableness and breathing inability can only be compared to when I came home from the ICU 3 years ago. I am having a hard time sleeping and just relaxing, in general. I think being pregnant has made recovery for me a bit slower. My body has a full time job making another person so trying to combat a powerful sickness might just be a bit much for it right now.

As you have read from me before, I believe there is always an emotional reason behind a physical ailment. That doesn't mean that the physical side doesn't have it's very needed place. It just means that they body is doing all it can to find that homeostatic place and looking at the body as a whole, instead of parts, really helps to relieve any complications or problems of any kind.

Pregnancy is a GREAT cleansing physically, emotionally and spiritually. 4 out of 5 of my sick days I have spent having good crying sessions. I think I have cried more consistently throughout this sickness than at any other time in my life. During those times, I proceeded to pray and meditate to strive and figure out what is going and how I can really turn my heart to my Heavenly Father and Mother and find some answers. Boy did I! This sickness has been so AWESOME in how much more and deeper layers of myself I wasn't even seeing.

I have learned that I really believed that getting sick would help me escape the craziness of my life right now and give me some kind of break! What a lie, eh? I had a good laugh over how strongly I believed that one. Another is that I believe that life should be hard and I need to suffer or else something is wrong in my world. I guess I thought life wasn't hard enough so I needed to make it a bit harder so I could appreciate how hard it really wasn't. I am seeing how life wasn't nearly as stressful as I thought it was. It can always be worse and until we see that and be grateful for where we at, I think it makes it MUCH easier to use our creative power to teach ourselves how much harder it can really be. This is a specialty of mine.

Oh, I had TONS and TONS of issues come up about being rejected by my husband. He was SO busy that he was unavailable to really help me. I had a goodly amount to complain about once I got sick because in my mind I have spent the last week taking care of sick kids and now I was sick and NO ONE would take care of me. Oh my goodness, I had some good bawl sessions over that one. I was and am very grateful to work on those rejection issues. I could tell they were VERY deep rooted, from childhood. Even if part of my husband was rejecting me, it really doesn't matter. I should find that LOVE from a place that can constantly give it to me no matter what and how ever much I want it ALWAYS available in as large or small quanities as I want.

I think I finally figured out last night and I am even working on it today, that I have all kinds of support from my God, angels and past on loved ones. That no matter what, there is ALWAYS someone there to support and uplift you and IMHO, who could do it better than them anyway. With prayer and a soft heart, you can be gifted the needed energy to take care of yourself, along with finding the LOVE and CARE you are looking for. Today I am feeling MUCH better than I was 2 days ago but not as well as I would like to be. I will keep working on myself & striving to stay clear, honest and grateful.

From a physical standpoint, I have had almost a non existent appetite since I got sick. I have lost some weight, I know. I have been eating all raw almost exclusively fruit. I feel the baby kick on a regular basis. It makes it even easier since I am laying around doing NOTHING all day, every day. I think he/she is doing so GREAT and is as happy as ever. After 3 days, I finally ate 1 soft boiled egg and seemed to have a bit more energy the next day. I had some appetite last night so I ate a very LARGE salad and LOVED it. Today I have had 2 quarts of green smoothie and some grapes. Another salad is starting to sound good though.

I must add how so EXTREMELY thankful I am for my bathtub and being able to take baths. When I was running a fever, it was such a blessing!! I LOVED it. It helped so much to take away my aches and pains.

Ok, I think I've shared enough about my life today. I would so APPRECIATE any LOVE and PRAYERS sent my way. I can tell I am on the mend and am MOST thankful for that.

Abundant peace to all,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley

RAW LEMON PUDDING

Ingredients:

2 cups soft avocado
mashed1 ½ cups of lemon flesh
½ lemon for freshly squeezed lemon juice
½ orange for freshly squeezed orange juice
2 cups pitted dates
3 tbsps maple syrup (keep out until end. We may not need this)
2 tbs pear juice

Method: Peel lemons with a knife stripping away the peel and seeds, using onlythe interior of the lemon flesh.Place all ingredients together and squeeze in the fresh orange andlemon juices. Then mix in a blender or food processor. Fantastic dessert.

by Rachel Talley

Finally, a Post!

I was bound and determined today to get something posted, even if is short and not very interesting. I do hesitate to post sometimes because I am not sure what I want to write about. Then off and on I will think of something but....those are the times that I am right in the middle of something else and forget about what it was I wanted to post. I swear!! I wonder how I even get along some days! LOL!!

I have a few INSPIRING quotes I want to post. They come in my mailbox from the GRATEFULNESS.ORG website. Some days they are just what I need to find that place of happiness. Here is the first one.
"Any human who feels that he or she is not "good enough" to cultivate peace and generosity is overlooking the wondrous gift of life. You live, therefore you are good enough."
~Dhyani Ywahoo
Voices of Our Ancestors
As I search for inner peace and serenity, especially during this pregnancy and birth, I am quick to forget that I may not be worthy or good enough for those tranquil feelings I so long for. I LOVE when I remember to go back to that place of truth and enlightenment and remember that I am special, we all are. We are deserve ALL that our dear little hearts desire that is uplifting and beneficial to our well being.

"Any kind of expectation creates a problem. We should accept, but not expect. Whatever comes, accept it. Whatever goes, accept it. The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful."
~Sri Swami Satchidananda

Oh, this has been a GREAT one for me right now in life. I live in a house that is VERY SLOWLY coming together but is still a MAJOR construction zone, with a husband who works 10-12 hour days, with children I drive around to tutors and I home school and feed, etc., along with my in laws living in my home and all while being pregnant. This is how I was choosing to see the world but EXPECTING a grateful, peaceful feeling that I just wasn't getting. (I know, I am SLOW!!)

Shocker, it ends up I have WAY TOO many expectations of what should be done in regards to my whole life and what myself and others can and can't do! Over the past few months, I have let myself become VERY discouraged because of this or that which I believe should be different or done quicker or blah, blah, blah!! My poor husband has become SO sick of my complaining. While meditating about a month ago, I finally had the insight of my expectations and how they were creating NO PEACE within me. In fact, they were doing the opposite. I felt I was in constant inner turmoil merely for the fact that wouldn't just sit back and really focus on what I wanted and then be ok with however the chips fall. This has felt really HUGE and I am SO GRATEFUL to have finally relearned it and now apply it a bit better than I might of in the past.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Another quote that I needed at JUST the right time!! I LOVE IT!! What is stated here is something I am very good at preaching to others about but....can I apply, oh, somedays. I have so enjoyed waking in the morning and meditating and remember who I really am and finding that place of bliss. Today was EASY because it has been SUCH a AMAZINGLY, BEAUTIFUL day! I spent most of it outside and just relished in it!!

A few years back though I realized that you can take this concept one step further. Instead of waiting until the day is over to feel ok about yourself and life, you can make the inner change IMMEDIATELY as you recognize it. Every MOMENT is a NEW MOMENT! Every SECOND a new SECOND!! I learned I could apply this same teaching the second I see I am not in serenity and bliss and move back to that space as quickly as the opposite came. SO MUCH FUN!! I recommend EVERYONE try this. It is AWESOME and really works!!

"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception."
~Harold Loukes

So BEAUTIFUL and so TRUE!! We often forget that when we give love, if it is not sent back to us in the form we want then it was all for not. This can also go back to the expectations quote. Until we realize that when we freely love others, we then become receptacles of more love, we will constantly be searching for something we will NEVER receive. I am learning to end what I think I should be receiving by my putting forth a giving act, and just letting myself feel the love that I sent and being in a complete place of gratitude for it!! Of course, I am still learning this idea but it has been FUN to strive to apply it and watch the miracle unfold.

I have been feeling SO GOOD!! This pregnancy has been WONDERFUL in helping me be completely honest with myself and others. I am learning tons and tons!! It seems to be coming in more quickly than at any other time, at least that I can remember. Some days I feel OVERWHELMED with it all. Others it is so DELICIOUS and I sit back and just watch the magic take place. It seems my whole family are all making these changes together (as it should be), getting prepared for this new little life to enter our family.

I am still exercising regularly, at least 5 days a week. The past few days have been LOVELY so I have been walking outside up around the temple. I walk for about 45 mins. to an hour and then do some good Yoga stretches. I have found on days when I can't squeeze exercise in, I don't feel NEAR as good as on the days I do.

I am still eating mostly raw. About 2 weeks ago, I started having some VERY UNCOMFORTABLE bowel cramping. It was off and on for about 3 days until the 4th where it was a consistent pain. I was getting a bit worried and I had some good emotional fears to work on. I soon realized that I had incorporated the frozen Manna bread. I figured out that because of the squishing of my bowels, they just couldn't handle ANY foods that I might have some kind of allergy to or even foods that cause too much gas. So....I completely went off all grains. I do periodically eat brown rice tortillas with my salads. I am still careful with those too. So.....my diet now consists of fruits and veggies. Mostly raw, sometimes lightly steamed. I have eaten a handful of eggs throughout this pregnancy. Only when I crave them. They do taste SCRUMPTIOUS when I do eat them, I must admit.

So....for those interested, I am still around 100 to 95% raw. As I have said in the past, this has been my BEST pregnancy so for. Oh, and now I weight around 135-137 lbs. depending on the time of day. That means I have gained somewhere around 10 to 15 lbs. depending on what I started out as. I know I was somewhere between 120 and 125. Right now, I am 23 weeks along, I think. I will SOON, I promise, post some pictures of my belly. I am now showing quite a bit. I no longer fit into my prepregnancy pants. I can still fit into some tops but that depends.

Ok, I think I am all done for today. Thanks for being patient with my lack of posting. I don't think I should go that long again. But I make no promises. Life has been one BIG whirlwind for the past 2 months and just taking time for a bath is consider an AWESOME day!!

Abundant peace,
Rachel

by Rachel Talley