So….I have been emotionally eating.
This year has been HUGE in regards to moving through some pretty strong energy and false beliefs. This time my eating has been so bad that I have been binging on some cooked foods. Can you believe it? I have been grateful for the experience though. I have been learning so much about the raw food diet and why I am eating it. Nothing new just different insights. It has been somewhat ironic to me because as of about a week ago, I was eating and feeling, physically, better than I ever have. Well, I should say that when I am “cleansing”, I am not feeling too hot. But with how I have been eating over the past year or so, what I have eaten for the past week has been SOOOOOO out of the loop for me. I have eaten things like corn tortillas, slightly grilled veggies, sprouted wheat tortillas and even a couple slices of sprouted wheat bread. I think that is pretty much it. I eat all raw during the day but for the past 5 days, when evening comes I end up succumbing to eating something that I know isn’t ideal for my body or where I want to be physically.
I know it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal but last time I ate anything even remotely cooked was when I first came out of the hospital 2 1/2 years ago. Because of my HUGE amounts of pride, I actually considered not writing about it on my blog. I wanted to try to keep this raw food facade I had and have made for myself. That I was some great raw foodist. What a joke eh? I truly have eaten an all raw diet for 5 years but have had moments here and there where either I want to try something to experiment with how my body will react to it or I am emotionally eating. I think there have been only a handful of times in the past 5 years that I have done it. But….I felt the need to share with others so I could break any false beliefs about myself I might have thrown out there.
To be completely honest, the whole situation has been OVERWHELMINGLY weird for me. I am trying to really wrap my head around the strong food addictions that are still so present in my emotional psyche. It’s kind of funny because I vacillate between being grateful for the deep emotional baggage I am bringing forth and being able to work on and feeling completely down trodden because in some way I am letting myself down or even others. Can you believe it?
Some of the things I have learned is I DO NOT like the way I feel and look with the way I am currently eating. With my previous diet, my nails for the first time in my life, were growing long and strong. Just with 5 days of dehydrating my body with the cooked food, I have already had 3 nails break from becoming too brittle. Then morning fatigue is another side effect I am not appreciating. Oh, and I have also learned that emotionally eating (well I think I have already learned this before but now it is on a deeper level) doesn’t EVER do the trick. I am hoping to feel better by eating what I really want but then find it to be a vicious cycle because I don’t feel as good as I normally do so then I emotionally eat more. See the cycle here!! I am sure many of my readers have already figured this scenario out but I am a slow learner.
Another aspect of my learning is that even when you are not eating as ideally as you might like, you can still be so grateful for the food and puts LOADS of love into it and it almost transform the food into being MUCH easier to digest. I know that sounds a bit wacky but I TOTALLY believe it. Imagine as a child when your mom makes you those Chocolate Chip cookies you love so much. When you get home from school they are there waiting for you with milk. You know with the VERY first bite HOW MUCH your Mom loves you. I absolutely believe this can make a HUGE difference into how well we digest and assimilate it. The times when I was feeling lousy about choosing to eat something that I normally don’t eat guaranteed I felt sicker after eating it. But….when I decided I was going to go ahead and eat it and LOVE it and ENJOY it to the fullest,
the effects that I might have felt previous never become present. My final consensus is that when we choose to eat something that we know is not “great” for us, we might consider finding love for our food with the hopes that we can find peace all around. If we are educating ourselves and striving to listen and hear what our body and spirit is saying, we can then hopefully move through any eating that we might be doing because of emotional feelings.
I am now back to eating like I want to and how I feel best. I am going to do a green smoothie cleanse for the next week. If there is anyone interested in doing it with me, I would LOVE it!!! Right now, I need all the help I can get! I am feeling quite lost and confused in LOTS of aspects of my life. I feel I am letting go of so much and really finding who I truly am. I am grateful for the opportunity to humble myself and turn my heart to God. I need His help MOST of all!! But…feeling loved and supported by others is VERY important too!! I am SO grateful to all my friends and loved ones who stick by me through thick and thin and let me know that no matter how low I may feel, they are there to help lift and inspire me. Thank you dear ones!!
This is all for tonight. Thanks you everyone for being my continuous readers. I feel LOVED!!
Abundant peace to you all,
Rachel
Hummm how cool is that Rachel. . . your human!! I totally understand what you are saying. I think it shows great character on your part to be honest with yourselt and others. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Do what works for you with the knowledge you’ve been given. So gratitude always to the Lord and let him love and guide you! Remember confusion is usually not from him only peace.
Lots of Love, Tammie
Tammie, thank you for your supportive and kind words. It has been so hard to me to believe I am human. I mean I know I am but…in order to keep the facade, I want to create a false perception about myself. It was refreshing and WONDERFUL to write about my current eating habits but the even better part is that people still love me even in my feeling like a failure place. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I have taken them to heart and feel blessed to have you as such a supportive friend.
Lots of love right back at ya,
Rachel
Thank you so much for your honesty in sharing your experience right now. It is so insightful for you to experience these challenges yet remain aware of the underlying dynamic (ie emotional eating) and your body/mind/spirit reaction to it.
There is also so much wisdom in your awareness about the energy of food. I love raw and have been 100% very recently (2 months or so), but I’ve been thinking that those who are enlightened can probably eat anything, because it’s all God, all Spirit–all Love, as are we, you know? I think raw and living foods are a blessing for us, though, because their high vibration helps raise our consciousness, which is really what I believe raw is partly/mostly about!
I recently learned of a practice where when we are experiencing something challenging (fear, anger, anxiety, addiction, etc.), that we pray for it’s healing in us so that it can be healed for all other beings as well. It’s very beautiful and it definitely works (because we are all connected, so it’s like sending love to ourselves). 🙂
We are so beautiful, doing our best, putting out intentions to be good and loving to our bodies and eachother, the world. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and know that this is also part of your path and your gift to the world.
Love and blessings to you,
Marykaye
Rachel, I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time. (Judy Cozza told me of it a while ago!)
I am so proud of you for admitting that you have done other than what you are preaching. Given the bits I know of your experience, I can understand that you *would* want to come clean, so that you can remain believable, in a world where there are those who promote themselves as raw, but, in reality, are not what they say they are.
It is important for us to know that *everyone* can “make mistakes”, or “backslide”.
If it is any consolation to you, even the famous T.C. Fry was known to backslide (although I do not know that he ever admitted it).
God bless you for “coming clean”, and admitting your human frailty. This is, ultimately, why we look to God in the first place, isn’t it… for the strength that we, as humans, may lack.
More power to you for going with your inclinations, for whatever reason, and then having the strength to admit that you had done otherwise than what you *knew* to be right for you… and what you preach. Would that we all were so able to report our choices in an open forum.
Your admission has made your blog, and its information, even more valid.
Blessings,
Margaret
I ex
Thank you so much MaryKate and Margaret for you loving and heart felt words. It has meant the world to me to have people like you really show me that we all need each other in order to understand ourselves a bit more. You words sing to my heart and let me know that even in our
fralities and weaknesses, we can all accept and truly love each other. I believe this is one of the paths to God. If humans can love us even in a vulnerable space, then we can more understand how much God must really care of us. This has been a blessing for me today to read both of your supportive words. Thank you!!! I feel grateful you find benefit in reading my blog.
God bless, Rachel
Yeah Rachel!
I too felt these feelings 2 years ago when I started to be transparent about my eating…and my emotions
Like I had let people down – I think that comes with people innocently setting themself up for it by saying, “I am a Raw Foodist.”
Unintentionally, we stereotype ourselves into something and we don’t realize it is a class-separation and we feel as though we have to live up to it (A inner-motivation almost)
This January, I decided to say to people, “I am just me.” – not a rawfooder
because the truth is, when I hear people state their percentage of raw strivings, “I am a 100%er and have been for _____________years.”
actually, I felt people get competetive and distanced instead of motivated and connected.
My goal now (at first it was to stay raw for health [purposes because that was my priority for the first 6 years of food changing and awareness) to keep my heart open and my body in touch, connected – this will require us to slip off the band wagon because we must have a dis-ease to realize all is not well – something has to tell us and it will be these cravings, addictions or over-doing it- or over obsessing about something ..
Your search for emotional clarity is greater than your need now to be distant from others and your feelings of discomfort – you are requiring it from yourself on all levels and thus, “There is NO OTHER WAY!” Sound familiar –
yea for Mother EVE!
Love Ruth Holmes